Separation and Healing

Going through a tough separation?

Breaking up is always a difficult process, whether you were together for a long period of time or a relatively short one. Not only is it possible to experience feelings like anger, disappointment, or even relief, but it is a time of mourning.

It's ok to feel sad. It's ok to feel a great loss....even if you know the change is for the better. All of these feelings are normal and should be embraced. Feel them. Use them as tools for healing, just don't linger on the negative for long. It will only hurt you and weigh you down, but for a brief time, feel the hurt so you can begin to heal.

We would love to hear your healing story. Please comment or send us an email at ContinualCare@gmail.com

Friendship in Marriage

"It's not the lack of love, but the lack of friendship that makes many marriages unhappy."
— Friedrich Nietzsche

The power of friendship in a relationship can't be overestimated. You may know you can rely on your partner for anything, but it's important to like each other, too. So put the same amount of effort into your spouse as you give to your friends — funny e-mails, impromptu dinners, all of it.

(Quote taken from Dr. Laura Berman)

Blame

"Blame is one of the surest ways to STAY IN A PROBLEM! In blaming another, we GIVE AWAY our power. Understanding (blame) enables us to rise above the issue and take control of our future."

It is true that many people have said or done something in our lives to hurt us or to cause us grief. It is true that many times we may not even be at fault.....well, maybe not total fault!!

Either way, we cannot change the past and we cannot control others. Those terrible things that caused you so much pain will only continue to make you miserable of you don't let them go and stop blaming others for your problems.

Mothers and fathers will make mistakes. Your boss will too. Your spouse----well, that's a given!

It is our responsibility to be happy in our own lives, to accept the situation we are in, and to understand and learn from them. What would happen if instead of blaming your mother for the past 10 years because of a mistake she made, if you got to understand her and why she made the choice she did? As you show compassion to the person who wronged you, you begin to give YOURSELF the knowledge and power to set yourself FREE. "You can't free yourself until you free them. You can't forgive yourself until you forgive them, you will demand perfection from yourself, and you will be miserable all your life."

Have you held onto something too long and blamed someone else for your unhappiness?
Were you able to free yourself from the blame and pain?
If so, send us your story!

www.ContinualCare@gmail.com

It's YOUR life!!

Often times it feels as though our life is crashing down around you, that nothing is going right, and that you have no control over it.

Those moments usually is our mind and bodies way of saying, "it's time for a change!"

"This life is the only one you've got. They key to getting your life right lies, first, in recognizing that it's your life, and second, on accepting the fact that there's only one person who can define "right" for you: YOU!

Defining "right" and getting it "right" are the things that you can do to regain the lost control in your life. There is nothing "wrong" with you!" The feelings you are feeling are just signs that you have changed and you need some new tools for the new adventure you are about to begin. It's a process of self-discovery. It means, "you are stronger than you've ever been, whether you feel it yet or not."

Self Discipline

Are you good at being self-disciplined? If not, here are a few tips to help you get started.

1). Pick one area to be organized in. A desktop, a drawer, a shelf...one little area that you can be successful in keeping organized. As you manage the one space you will find that you will begin to expand the areas you are organized in. You will become more self-disciplined in picking up after yourself and keeping your space organized and neat.

2). Be on time. When a person is one time and not rushing in late to everything you will find yourself in a more calm state. Being self-disciplined means watching the clock and being on time.

3). Finish what you start. Practice with small tasks first. Example: if you empty all the waste baskets finish the job by actually taking it out to the trash bin. Pulling weeds? Finish the job by putting away the garden tools and disposing of the weeds. As you find small successes you will then be able to move into bigger projects.

Self discipline is like any other skill---it can be learned a little bit at a time. Pick one little thing and be a success at it and then add another. Don't be discouraged if you make a mistake, just start again, and keep trying. Never give up!

We would LOVE to here some of your tips, ideas, and suggestions on how you have found successful ways to be self-disciplined.

Quote

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

                                                ~Marianne Williamson

Loneliness

Are you feeling alone?
Feeling like there is no one to call with your good news?
No one to share your sadness with?

Some of us may be surrounded with people all the time and yet still feel lonely. Others may spend their time in solitude in which they didn't choose. Either way, loneliness can be painful.

Being human means at times we are going to feel a range of emotions and one of them is loneliness. All of us will experience it, all of us will fill it's pain and heart-ache.

So, what's the cure? It's a 2-step process.

1) Service. When you serve others you get lost in your work and not in your own problems. Everyone knows that whether you call it blessings or karma, that when you serve others you reap rewards. Serve your children, your neighbor, volunteer at the hospital, or elementary school. The simplest random act of kindness will fill your saddened heart with love.

2). Connect with your family. When you re-connect with family (or a "like-family" friend), you heal and you feel valued. If there have been problems, forgive old hurts, and let the past be in the past. If it is just a matter of loosing touch, reach out. We now live in a world full of technology. Use it! Call, email, instant-message, twitter, or even use snail-mail. Whatever you choose, connecting with your roots, your family, is where you will find your greatest happiness.

Want to share your "reach-out" success story? Email us!
www.continualcare@gmail.com

Fears

What are you afraid of?

Of course we are all afraid of certain things that scare us. All of us have fears. To some it may be the dark or spiders, while for others it is a fear of loosing their job. These fears create anxiety and are frustrating when we must face them.

But sometimes fear is good. Fears can motivate us to change, especially when we recognize that the fear may be irrational and paralyzing us. For example, you may be scared to ask for a promotion. When searching you discover the real fear is not that you might get turned down for the job, but that what would you do if you got it?

You know your life could change with a title after your name or a pay raise all for the better, but how would you handle it? What the real fear is not in applying for the job, but of success and happiness if you got the job. How silly is it to rob ourselves of our own personal growth and happiness?

What fear is holding you down today? What keeps you sitting on the couch day after day watching life go by on the tv instead of going outside and living it?

Do you have a fear that is paralyzing you? We would love to hear!!

Simple question

Do you want to be right, or happy?

~Dr. Phil.

If there were only the two choices, being right all the time, or being happy, which would you choose? Is it worth your whole relationship with your spouse to argue over whose turn it is to do the dishes night after night? Even with your teenager there is always a compromise. Look for them.

Love or Fear?

What if you asked yourself before every choice you made,

"am I doing this out of love, or out of fear?"

Often times we make decisions and situations more complicated than they need to be, especially females!

Love is easy for most people to understand. As we change diapers, cook dinner, do laundry, pay bills, iron our husbands shirt, or do a favor for a friend we are doing those things out of love.

Fear, is harder. If we are struggling with something or someone, it is probably because of a fear. Are we fearful of speaking up for ourselves, fearful of not being good enough, successful, fearful we are not good communicators or listeners, or maybe we are just fearful that we will be hurt again?

Fears hold us back. Fears create stress and tensions. Fears keep us up at night.

So now what? Once you consciously practice asking, "am I doing this out of love or fear?" then you will be able to start to see patterns. Record your fears in a journal. Often times once you are aware of the choices you are making, you can then face the fear and make a loving choice the next time.

Remember, "God did not give you the spirit of fear," you did.

Forgiveness. Its for you.

All people make mistakes. On occasion, a choice we make might hurt someone's feelings. Hopefully, we are remorseful and apologize and do whatever is necessary to make amends. But, have you ever been in a situation where after your error, you apologize, and do everything to make amends to find that the other person(s) involved won't forgive you? They are just not ready to let it go.

Often times those situations are the most painful because you need to move on. You have done all that you can and to the other person, it is just not enough. What then?

Some may feel that is when you turn it over to your Higher Power while others may make a conscious decision to allow themselves freedom from it.

This may also be the time when you have to supply the forgiveness, even if you don't feel you are the one obligated to do so. Forgiveness is not about letting another person "off the hook." Forgiveness is really for you. Forgiveness is freedom for you.

Remember if you really have done everything you can to right a wrong and it is not being received, that's all you have to do. It's all you can do.

Being the best you is enough.

What's your theory?

Why is it that we climb into bed next to our spouse, have the desire to reach over and just touch them, but don't? Why do we lie next to each other night after night feeling like we are a million miles apart when really we just want to be in their arms?

Got a theory?
ContinualCare@gmail.com

Help! I need therapy!

Many of us wonder if we need a therapist to help us get through some problem we are experiencing in life. Some of us may, but some of us may not.

Right now while the economy is struggling and you just don't have a spare minute to add one more thing to your "to-do" list, there are things you can do to improve your situation without going to counseling.

(Please note: counseling or therapy that is done with a licensed professional, trained to handle whatever challenge or situation you are dealing we absolutely recommend, especially if there are unique or extreme circumstances. In the event of physical or sexual abuse, please seek professional help and contact local law enforcement immediately. This blog is not in place of therapy and is not endorsed by a licensed therapist. Postings, comments, or other information on this blog is for general use and knowledge--not a replacement for professional therapy).

In many circumstances, problems we are having in relationships are just communication based. We haven't learned the skills to really communicate our thoughts or feelings in a way that can be received by the other person. These are skills you can learn now.

Maybe we are struggling with something tragic from years earlier in our life that we just can't let go of. Often times, it's something we can work through and learn to let go of on our own.

Parenting is by far the hardest job. The daily stress of dealing with children can lead to arguments, fighting, and many frustrations for every member of a family. Often times we find ourselves saying, "what is wrong with this kid!" Turns out, more times than not, it's the parent who needs to make a change, not the child.

Got clutter? Often times clutter holds us back from moving forward in our lives. We hold onto objects thinking they are a part of our history or a relationship we have had. We hold onto things to keep us feeling like we have enough, when in reality, all those objects become the things that hold us back, that steal our freedom, and keep us from true happiness and healing.

All of these situations require just a new way of thinking for you. All of them are skills that can be learned---easily! No expensive fees, no co-pays, no doctor's offices, and no long therapy sessions. A few minutes each day to take care of yourself will not only help you find your happiness, but will allow that peace in your life that you are so desperately striving for.

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Are you dealing with any of these situations? Feeling like you need some one to talk to?
Send us your story. We would love to hear from you.

Who is in charge here?

"She made me feel horrible."
"He made me so mad."
"My mother-in-law puts me over the edge."
"When he talks to me like that I just get so angry."

I'm sure you too have heard your share of these comments. In fact, you may have been the one to have said it. It's easy to do. We are all human and it's a human reaction to get hurt or angry at someone's behavior or choices. The question then becomes, why do we do it?

We do it because we won't know any better. We do it because we don't have a better skill set to deal with the situation. The best part about it all is that we can choose something different. Even if we don't know what to do, we know that yelling or getting out of control does not work, so we can choose something different.

No one, and I repeat, NO ONE chooses how you feel. No one makes you mad. No one can make you cry. No one gets you so angry so you loose your temper. The positive side of this is true too. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to speak calmly. You can choose to not spank your child. You can choose to be compassionate and kind.

The only person who has full complete control is YOU. You choose how you are reacting to another persons behavior and the situations around you. No one is in charge of your emotions or behaviors except you. You are in charge.

Start today. Take responsibility for yourself. Make the better choice.

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Email us at ContinualCare@gmail.com
to share your story.

Oxygen Mask

Have you ever sat on an airplane and thought to yourself, "this safety video is so stupid. Why won't they just take off already?"

Well, next time you are watching the video, there is an incredible life lesson we all must learn. It's called "The Parable of the Oxygen Mask."

In the movie, you see a mother siting next to a young boy on the airplane. The demonstration shows the oxygen mask drop from the compartment above the woman's head and fall in front of her face. She takes it, lifts the strap over her head, and places the mask over her face. After her mask is secured she then helps the child put his mask on and secure it in place.

Some would say, why would a mother not put on the child's mask first? Simple. The mother is no good to the child if she is not breathing herself.

The same is true in life. We are no good to our husbands, children, our job, or anything else if we are not breathing ourselves. What happens when we are too tired to accomplish our responsibilities? Too over weight to play with our kids? Too insecure to speak our minds?

It's time for us to put on our own oxygen masks. It's not selfish to take care of ourselves. It's actually the opposite. When we take care of ourselves we can now give our best self to others. Is that not the best gift we can give ourselves and to those around us?

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If you have a story about when you put on your oxygen mask, we would love to hear it!
ContinualCare@gmail.com

What is most important?

Each of us spend so much time taking care of so many things in our lives....whether it is taking care of our spouses, children, parents, bosses, health issues, money issues, mental or physical health.

The problem with this is, that we don't always take care of ourselves. Sometimes we neglect ourselves because of a lack of time or maybe we feel like we need to take care of everyone else first and that when everyone else is good, then you will be too. Maybe we are too tired to exercise, to cook a healthy dinner, stand up to someone, or to clean up our surroundings.

We could come up with a hundred reasons...or excuses, some may be real and valid reasons, but they are mostly still excuses. There is always another option, always another choice. Now is the time we start looking for those choices. Now is the time, to start taking care of yourself...no, it's not selfish. It's just time!

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What do you do to take care of yourself?

ContinualCare@gmail.com

Welcome!!

Welcome to Continual Care!

Please feel free to read through our blog postings and comment! Yes, comment! We would love to hear about your experiences and how you in your life are finding ways to take care of yourself. If you would like us to answer a question or share a story, please email us at:

ContinualCare@gmail.com